The super bowl saw the premiere of many highly anticipated movie trailers. I’m going to break them all down for you, watch out:
G.I. Joe
This could be fun. Mom never let me watch the show or have the toys. She thought they glorified war. That woman is a piece of work. Looks pretty cool, Ninja’s are defiantly the new Chuck Norris. Dennis Quaid is always reliable. Kind of badass. I like it.
Angels and Demons
Way better hair for Tom Hanks in this one. Never saw the first one nor read the book. Eh, not sold. Don’t shoot.
Year One
Michael Cera is kind of on a roll. Harold Ramis is the man so that’s another plus. This looks pretty promising. I haven’t really seen anything on the big summer comedies.
Fast Furious
Car Fu pretty ridonkulous. Can’t be worse than Tokyo Drift. On a side note, I think Vin Diesel doesn’t get enough credit for his short film “Faces.” That was pretty good. I hope they don’t let Michelle Rodriguez drive. Oh, women.
Land of the Lost
Anything with Danny McBride has potential to be good. I remember the remake show version with its blatant Jeep product placement. Love that Matt Lauer can suck it. Could be cool to see stoned. Most things are.
Star Trek
Consider me sold. J.J. Abrams may have made a pretty badass Star Trek. Have you ever seen this guy’s TED talk? He’s like a white TD Jakes. Love this man. Action packed space fights. Quinto’s Spock is dead on. McCoy seems right too. Want to see Simon Pegg’s Scotty. Space sky dive looks awesome.
Up
Pixar does it again. I love the montage of pixar films to remind you how much you love them all. This looks great, who doesn’t love a crotchety old man? Fat little Boy Scout is adorable.
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Wish I had the glasses. You all know my opinions on 3-D and I love the concept of this movie. This looks like it’s going to be a blast. Seth Rogen’s a one-eyed monster. That must be a big fuck you to Billy Crystal. I just want so really long fight scenes between these characters. I heard somewhere that it was going to be in IMAX too. Hope that’s true.
Race to Witch Mountain
Dwayne Johnson is the man. I loved the original. I remember watching it for the first time at Summer Recreation. Alien kid versus SUV is awesome. Could be a cool kids movie. If I go to the park and I see a kid and I’m like, “Hey, kid, want some candy?” I could take the kid to the movie, get him some MilkDuds and not look like a jerkoff seeing it alone. Cool.
Transformers Revenge of the Fallen
Want to see a bit more for a movie that comes out in six months. I enjoyed the first one but this didn’t seem like a big enough difference. This was the one I was really hyped for and it fell a bit flat. Figures.
If you missed any of the trailers, Alec Baldwin (what an amazing re-invention of his career, by the way) insists you can watch them all on hulu.com.
P.S. It appears if you buy a Hyundai and get shit-canned, you can return the thing without any real repercussions. Our balls economy has spoken.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Snubbed Knight
I consider myself a passionate film fan. I love all kinds of movies, from the indie art films that twelve people see to the 200 million dollar summer spectaculars. I can appreciate a subtle documentary just as much as I can enjoy Jonah Hill talking about getting his cock massaged. I am a fair and reasonable person and I know the difference between an enjoyable movie and a film that will become timeless.Yet every year the same thing happens, I find a film I fully invest in, a film I love and a film that is eventually screwed over by the Academy of Motion Pictures. This year that film was the Dark Knight. Yes, the second highest grossing film of all time, the film that sits at 83% on Meta Critic even a film that received eight Oscar nominations was completely shafted by the academy. Sure eight nominations seems like a lot but there are some major oversights in my less then humble opinion. Let's start at the bottom and work our way up.
Best adapted screenplay. For three years straight all we heard about was Lord of the Rings, what an amazing undertaking it was to condense those three novels into 540-minutes of film.
Wow. Three whole novels.
Try taking 70 years of storytelling and building a single screenplay that captures the essence of so many diverse characters. A screenplay that not only builds believable people out of these fantastic characters, but also places them in to a world grounded in reality. The screenplay deals with a man who dresses like a bat and chases a homicidal clown, yet treats them all like fully realized human beings. There is a dimension to these characters and these dimensions allow the film to transcend labels like comic book movie or summer blockbuster.
Where is the director nomination? The Dark Knight was a massive production.It was shot all over the world, had a large amount of practical and special effects and a character-driven story. The director Christopher Nolan balanced all these elements to perfection. Apparently the Directors Guild noticed all the hard work he put in and decided to give him a nomination. Good thing the Academy knows more about good directing then a union full of directors. How can a movie get nominations for all types of technical achievements and acting yet the guy running the whole show gets completely ignored?
Best Picture. I challenge you to think of five people that didn't like the Dark Knight. Most critics put it near the top of their list when it came to the best movies of the past year. So, besides universal acclaim and earnings higher then the gross domestic product of a small country, what does it take to get a best picture nomination?
I think there is only one real solution. A new director's cut that features Batman as a poor homosexual Indian boy who ages backwards and meets a Nazi Richard Nixon. Now that film has picture of the year written all over it.
Best adapted screenplay. For three years straight all we heard about was Lord of the Rings, what an amazing undertaking it was to condense those three novels into 540-minutes of film.
Wow. Three whole novels.
Try taking 70 years of storytelling and building a single screenplay that captures the essence of so many diverse characters. A screenplay that not only builds believable people out of these fantastic characters, but also places them in to a world grounded in reality. The screenplay deals with a man who dresses like a bat and chases a homicidal clown, yet treats them all like fully realized human beings. There is a dimension to these characters and these dimensions allow the film to transcend labels like comic book movie or summer blockbuster.
Where is the director nomination? The Dark Knight was a massive production.It was shot all over the world, had a large amount of practical and special effects and a character-driven story. The director Christopher Nolan balanced all these elements to perfection. Apparently the Directors Guild noticed all the hard work he put in and decided to give him a nomination. Good thing the Academy knows more about good directing then a union full of directors. How can a movie get nominations for all types of technical achievements and acting yet the guy running the whole show gets completely ignored?
Best Picture. I challenge you to think of five people that didn't like the Dark Knight. Most critics put it near the top of their list when it came to the best movies of the past year. So, besides universal acclaim and earnings higher then the gross domestic product of a small country, what does it take to get a best picture nomination?
I think there is only one real solution. A new director's cut that features Batman as a poor homosexual Indian boy who ages backwards and meets a Nazi Richard Nixon. Now that film has picture of the year written all over it.
Friday, January 9, 2009
The only thing that can rival a good set of DD's is 3-D.
3-D is the best film gimmick of all time. Forget smell-O-vison or Sensurround, 3-D is the shit. Movies are just better when things are flying at your face. It makes you more forgiving. You will see things like Spy Kids 3, Beowulf or My Bloody Valentine. You don't care you know they are going to be awful.
And you are rewarded for your trust. These movies always rock because they are all designed around exploiting a gimmick. They don't try to be anything more than what they are. No Oscar baiting, character development or logical plot here-- just a rusty pickaxe careening toward your cheek. That's awesome.
And you are rewarded for your trust. These movies always rock because they are all designed around exploiting a gimmick. They don't try to be anything more than what they are. No Oscar baiting, character development or logical plot here-- just a rusty pickaxe careening toward your cheek. That's awesome.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Top 5 movies of 2008 that rocked my unitard
The Dark Knight
Sheer perfection. Balanced deep characters with amazing action set pieces. Managed to make a world with a super hero feel real.
Slumdog Millionaire
Danny Boyle nails it again. A master of all genres Boyle can effortlessly handle drama, sci-fi and horror. This movie proves that he can also do a beautiful love story.
Tropic Thunder
The movie that taught us never to go full retard. The movie that made us love Tom Cruise again. The movie that pissed the fuck out of NAACP. HILARIOUS!
The Wrestler
Mickey Rourke is an aging man-god. With his long blond hair and juiced up muscles he appears like an aging Thor. You can feel both the sadness and the love for life radiating off him. Also, Marrisa Tomei looks hot.
Rachel Getting Married
Anne Hathaway is phenomenal. But it's the little moments that amaze. The dishwasher scene alone speaks volumes of all the characters
Sheer perfection. Balanced deep characters with amazing action set pieces. Managed to make a world with a super hero feel real.
Slumdog Millionaire
Danny Boyle nails it again. A master of all genres Boyle can effortlessly handle drama, sci-fi and horror. This movie proves that he can also do a beautiful love story.
Tropic Thunder
The movie that taught us never to go full retard. The movie that made us love Tom Cruise again. The movie that pissed the fuck out of NAACP. HILARIOUS!
The Wrestler
Mickey Rourke is an aging man-god. With his long blond hair and juiced up muscles he appears like an aging Thor. You can feel both the sadness and the love for life radiating off him. Also, Marrisa Tomei looks hot.
Rachel Getting Married
Anne Hathaway is phenomenal. But it's the little moments that amaze. The dishwasher scene alone speaks volumes of all the characters
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Remember loving trailers
To me they were as much a part of the movie going experience as popcorn and sticky floors. I liked to be teased, to see a little kernel of hype snowball into a burning desire to see a movie on opening night.
I think the moment that trailers hit the big time was a weekend in 1998. A new movie starring Brad Pitt was set to release called Meet Joe Black. Meet Joe Black was plagued by production problems, actor strife and god awful reviews-- yet the movie had a massive opening weekend. There was a simple and shocking explanation for this. Attached to most prints of Meet Joe Black was a trailer for Star Wars Episode One and because of this one preview people flocked to see it. At the time it seems bizarre, people shelling out nine dollars to see just under sixty seconds of orchestral score over quick cuts of space ships blowing up. Yet this was just the beginning of the trailer focus.
Ten years later it seems like most trailers are better than about 90% of the movies released last years. To begin with, most trailers are better than the movie they're previewing. Who saw the the trailer for Burn after Reading and wasn't blown away?? The dialogue was so sharp, the music so hip and the cast list so top shelf. I could tell the moment I saw it that this was going to be another masterpiece from the Cohen Bros. Then I actually saw the movie. Instead of the quick movement and sharp dialogue, I got a lumbering mess. I had been completely bamboozled by the willie marketing people at Fox Searchlight. Those coy son of a guns knew exactly what it would take to get me in that theater. I ignored all types of warnings from critics because of that 90-second bit of trickery. Don't forget that's what trailers are, trickery, they are all the best parts laid out for us to absorb as quick as possible.
Hell, there's no need to even see a movie anymore. Just take your computer over to Quicktime and you've got crib notes of every major and minor film for the next year. These clips spell the movie out showing you entire character arcs, every major plot point and set piece, even giving you some pieces of dialogue so you can put a cool quote up on Facebook. These monstrosities are designed with the sole purpose of making sure there is absolutely nothing that can surprise or catch you off guard when you actually go to see the movie in theatres. After seeing a preview of Bride Wars I now know enough about the movie to describe the movie in detail at cocktail parties and could probably quote you an estimate on a June wedding at The Plaza.
Why doesn't Hollywood understand that we want to be seduced by a movie, not bombarded by it? When we meet someone new we don't want their entire life story shoved in our face in the span of a minute in a half. We want a short introduction and then we can decide if we want to spend 90 minutes getting to know them. That's what trailers should be for a movie, a brief preface that makes us want to spend an evening getting to know them.
I think the moment that trailers hit the big time was a weekend in 1998. A new movie starring Brad Pitt was set to release called Meet Joe Black. Meet Joe Black was plagued by production problems, actor strife and god awful reviews-- yet the movie had a massive opening weekend. There was a simple and shocking explanation for this. Attached to most prints of Meet Joe Black was a trailer for Star Wars Episode One and because of this one preview people flocked to see it. At the time it seems bizarre, people shelling out nine dollars to see just under sixty seconds of orchestral score over quick cuts of space ships blowing up. Yet this was just the beginning of the trailer focus.
Ten years later it seems like most trailers are better than about 90% of the movies released last years. To begin with, most trailers are better than the movie they're previewing. Who saw the the trailer for Burn after Reading and wasn't blown away?? The dialogue was so sharp, the music so hip and the cast list so top shelf. I could tell the moment I saw it that this was going to be another masterpiece from the Cohen Bros. Then I actually saw the movie. Instead of the quick movement and sharp dialogue, I got a lumbering mess. I had been completely bamboozled by the willie marketing people at Fox Searchlight. Those coy son of a guns knew exactly what it would take to get me in that theater. I ignored all types of warnings from critics because of that 90-second bit of trickery. Don't forget that's what trailers are, trickery, they are all the best parts laid out for us to absorb as quick as possible.
Hell, there's no need to even see a movie anymore. Just take your computer over to Quicktime and you've got crib notes of every major and minor film for the next year. These clips spell the movie out showing you entire character arcs, every major plot point and set piece, even giving you some pieces of dialogue so you can put a cool quote up on Facebook. These monstrosities are designed with the sole purpose of making sure there is absolutely nothing that can surprise or catch you off guard when you actually go to see the movie in theatres. After seeing a preview of Bride Wars I now know enough about the movie to describe the movie in detail at cocktail parties and could probably quote you an estimate on a June wedding at The Plaza.
Why doesn't Hollywood understand that we want to be seduced by a movie, not bombarded by it? When we meet someone new we don't want their entire life story shoved in our face in the span of a minute in a half. We want a short introduction and then we can decide if we want to spend 90 minutes getting to know them. That's what trailers should be for a movie, a brief preface that makes us want to spend an evening getting to know them.
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